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Post By CSFB! via HH Sun May 27, 2007 at 01:26:35 pm EDT |
Subject Judging Jury, Fearing Phobia Originally #313: Untold Tales of the Parody War: Out of Bounds |
In Reply To The Hooded Hood tries board CPR with this triple-sized double-fisted slam Sun May 27, 2007 at 01:19:50 pm EDT |
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| This story is a slightly revised version of CSFB!'s original story, tweaked to fit contemporary continuity. It takes place sometime after Untold Tales #312: Judging Jury, Fearing Phobia “Hello, Jury,” the former Doomherald of the Parody Master greeted the former Shaper of Worlds as she sank back in her chair on the military aircraft returning her to Paradopolis. “That was a neat trick.” “Exu,” Jury recognized, even before she turned to face the source of the voice, who had intruded into the secure SPUD transport carrier without her noticing. “Are you here to kill me?” she inquired, trying to keep her own voice even. The God of Murder of the Second Oldest Race didn't feel like waiting for Jarvis' ex-lover to work up the courage to meet his unblinking gaze, so he simply went to her with broad, brisk strides, before bending over and craning his neck in an oddly birdlike gesture to prevent her downcast eyes from evading him. His slightly wavy, close-cropped, salt-and-pepper hair and matching beard stubble suggested an age contrary to the somewhat younger look of his jowly, pudgy cheeks, even as his towering height, paunchy yet muscular frame, and penetrating stare conveyed a sense of his power. However, what Jury found herself most unnerved by was his smirk, which managed to seem less mischievous and more menacing. “You’ve changed,” she noted. “You look different from how you were before. The last time I saw you as the Doomherald, I mean.” “I’ve asked around,” Exu shrugged. “Met a few people. Talked with Doctor Xeno Phobia.” Jury caught her breath. “Ah.” She glanced to the other occupants of the transport plane. Cleone and the government agents weren’t even moving. The Doomherald had taken this conversation out of normal chronology, chosen a moment to extend for as long as it needed to be: murder time. “Are you here to kill me, then?” Jury wondered. “Why would I want to kill you?” Exu chuckled, playing with her like a predator with his prey. “After all, I'm no longer an emissary of the Parody Master, and you of all people should know that I was never indiscriminate in my role in the cosmology of the Second Oldest Race.” His grin was growing and twisting into a snarl, just as his teasing tone was taking on an edge of hostility. “In fact, because that role dates back to one of the multiple-choice beginnings of the Parodyverse, you of all people would know more about it than anyone else, since your specialty as Shaper was all about beginnings, wasn't it?” Jury swallowed hard and struggled not to tremble. “Even the Shapers have possessed an extremely limited knowledge of the Second Oldest Race since its extinction,” she insisted. “And I’m not a Shaper any more.” “But what few facts you did know, you were sure to share with your newest best friend the Hooded Hood, weren't you?” Exu accused angrily, his persistent smile now resembling an animal baring its fangs. “Was sharing that inside information part of the cost of your rent in Herringcarp Asylum?” “Like becoming his hired killer was yours? Was the girl worth that much to you, that you sold yourself to the man who secretly caused your downfall to keep her from harm?” “I didn’t know then what I know now,” Exu answered bitterly. “I didn’t know then there was no future for me and her. I didn’t know what I really was. I didn’t know the Hood had played such a funny joke on me.” Jury stiffened her spine and inhaled sharply. “I didn't know what he planned to do –” “DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!” Exu bellowed suddenly, rushing toward Jury to meet her, almost literally, nose to nose. “The God of Murder hasn't been the only important role I've played in the Parodyverse since it began. Even if you didn't know that for certain, which I find hard to believe, you must have suspected it, thanks to your special insights as Shaper, and once your pretentious landlord started sniffing around my history that tip-off must have proven those suspicions, especially for someone as smart as you.” He breathed heavily in and out for a moment, his body slowly expanding and contracting like a bellows, which appeared to calm his temper a bit. “You must have known what someone as smart as him could do, even with such seemingly incomplete and insignificant fragments.” “Maybe I did suspect what he intended to do to you,” Jury steeled herself, setting her jaw sternly even as a quaver crept into her inflection. “Then again, based on what I did know of your checkered past, maybe I thought it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.” Exu blinked at Jury's show of bravery, then burst into a fit of laughter. “Oh, well, Bravo Zulu,” he continued to giggle, his flinty eyes twinkling with a disquieting mirth. “I'd be prouder of your boldness, except that I doubt you were motivated by such strong principles when you first realized that the Hooded Hood planned to retcon me into serving as the Parody Master's Doomherald.” He shrugged simply. “It was just easier to take his word for it, that the end justified the means, wasn't it?” “I couldn't confirm his intentions until it was too late to change his course of action, but yes, you're right, once I'd verified what he wanted to do, I didn't disagree with it,” Jury justified herself, with increasing vigor and volume. “The continued existence of the Parodyverse itself required that the Doomherald, whomever he happened to be, would turn against the Parody Master. As much as the Hood hates you, the one thing he trusted you to do, without question, was to defy authority and betray your allies, just like you did your own people … exactly like you did the Janus, Exu.” The GatewayTraitorGalaxyTraveler! of the Janus Junctures faltered briefly, before regaining his confident composure. “So, you're more even familiar with my life and times than I'd guessed at,” assessed the figure who, in another of his guises, was the same Doctor Xeno Phobia, the Extraterrestrial Enigma, that he’d just met at the edges of the Parodyverse. “Good for you. Granted, I've adopted so many mutually exclusive origins and identities since the Parodyverse started that even I've forgotten |